Mr. July
W/M/32 Financial something or other
This was actually an accidental date. I met Mr. July when I had first moved to the hood in SE Portland a few months ago. It was my first night on the town and I was exploring my neighborhood. I decided to go into the Brooklyn Park Pub (on foot) and had my first drink there. I sat at my own table, and there was this guy sitting at the bar that was being super chatty with the bartender, and kept looking back at me. Once he realized I was sitting by myself, he started chatting with me. He was very friendly, but a little over the top for me. Kind of a beefy dude. I was actually hoping to see another guy that night. I'll just call this guy Mr. Wrong.
Mr. Wrong is wrong in so many ways. He's much older, in a loveless marriage, and has a couple of kids. I have known him for years. I won't go into too much more details to save the privacy of his identity, but I love that guy to death. Mr. Wrong and I have always just been friends, but somewhere over the last 6 months or so that changed unexpectedly. I'm not one to develop feelings for a guy very easily, and I think the fact that this guy was somewhat unattainable and "safe" drew me closer to him. It's easy to love, when you know you have nothing to lose. You can be yourself, when it doesn't matter. Enough on Mr. Wrong, because he doesn't deserve much more than a paragraph.
When I was at the Brooklyn Park Pub, Mr. July decided to come sit with me at my table. He actually was making decent conversation with me, but all I could think about was how excited I was to see Mr. Wrong that evening. Mr. July had put in a lot of effort though, and I recognized that, so I gave him my number. He was new to town and was looking for some more friends. He actually left the Pub to meet up with some other friends so I was off the hook! Alllrriiight. :)
Feeling good from my first drink, I decide to keep walking and see what else my new little neighborhood had to offer. I found the Bear Paw. The Bear Paw is a total dive bar, but it had Karaoke. I do love to sing, but generally not a huge fan of Karaoke. I'm a performer, and the fact that Karaoke is unrehearsed makes me a little uneasy about it. But I don't know a single soul, and I decide to order another drink and sign up for any and every song I can. Not only do I sing my songs, but I helped every performer sing their songs when they couldn't get the words right! It was a blast! This was going to be a fun night.
Then as I was singing Carrie Underwood's "Last Name" and serinating the crowd I made eye contact with a guy at the bar. It was Mr. July again. Crap. Now, do I have to hang out with this guy tonight? What if Mr. Wrong show's up? This could get awkward fast. But whatever. I don't owe either of these guys anything. I'm having a good time, regardless. Maybe they will both want to hang out with me? I 'll be such a pimp. But time to break the seal first. Gotta pee!
As I come out of the bathroom, I totally forgot that I saw Mr. July at the bar, and I heard the end of The Little Mermaid's "Part of Your World" Playing and people were cheering. Damn it! That's my favorite song in the world! Or at least it felt like it at the moment. How could I have missed that? I charge the guy coming back from the Karaoke machine.
"Dude! Did you just sing the Little Mermaid Song?!" I scream in excitement.
"Yup." He replies
"Ooh man. That's my favorite song ever! Can't believe I missed it! Wanna sing it again?"
This complete stranger and I lock eyes for what seems to be an hour, but rather it's the length of the whole song. We are in perfect unison as we sing to each other, in perfect harmony the Little Mermaid Theme song. Our hands are locked as he sways me back and forth and nobody else is in the room. We are having the most amazing time of our life. The finale of the song is about to happen, and he sweeps me off my feet and carries me like a new bride and we spin as we finish the song. And then I see him. Mr. Wrong has locked eyes with me and suddenly I'm back in reality that I'm in this stranger's arms. I slide down, thank him for the song, and am instantly drawn towards Mr. Wrong.
"You can't be left alone anywhere D." Mr. Wrong confesses with a grin.
He seriously knows me so well and just makes me smile every time I see him. I didn't know what to expect when I saw him that night, but as soon as he was there, I wanted nothing but to let him know that I was his and only his, if not just for this moment in time while he had me. We hung out at the bar and chatted for a little bit longer and held each other, not caring who else was around and then he stayed the night with me. No we didn't bone. And I don't plan on it. He needs to figure out his life before he gets that part of mine, but I was happy to have him stay with me. He snuck out around 6am, and then reality set in. I'm just the other girl. How did I get here? I'm better than this, and deserve better than this. I know it. But, I still want this. I still want to be his. damn it.
I got a phone call from Mr. July the next day. I just so happened to be parked at my Sister's house about to leave and I saw that I missed a call. They didn't leave a message, so my curiosity got the best of me. Dang it. It was Mr. July. We actually chatted on the phone for a good half hour. I confessed to him during this conversation that had I had his number, I probably wouldn't have called back, but I was surprised and actually enjoyed chatting with him. I don't think anything is wrong with honesty. We made plans for the next night.
Mr. Wrong had left town, and before he left town he was supposed to help me with something, and he let me down again. Screw it, I'm having fun with Mr. July tonight, whether it's wrong or right! I don't owe Mr. Wrong anything! We ended up having a pretty fun night. But I wanted to drink away my pain, so we walked to a bunch of different bars and had drinks at each one. He was a know it all, and was kind of hard to listen to at first. But we both loosened up after a few drinks. It was just an okay time for me, but I was feeling good and we kissed goodnight at the door. I was actually pretty surprised that he came in for the kiss... but had to admire his balls.
He texted and called after that, and I really didn't feel like seeing him again. Not that he was a bad person, but I just wasn't interested in dating him. I really just needed him for that night. And that's the extent I wanted it to go. He got the hint I think and I hadn't heard from him in a while, and then the other night (months later... And this in real time is late December)I was having a pretty down night. Mr. Wrong was texting me and I'd just had it emotionally. Quit toying with my heart. I'm not even sure if Mr. Wrong was available if I'd want to be with him or not, but the fact that I don't have that option makes me feel like a pretty horrible person for believing there's a chance, when I know deep down there isn't. I had been on the 6 dates of Christmas already and just ready to quit. The feeling of defeat was running through my veins. And then the tears came. The chocolate dissappeared. And my heart broke. Just for a split second. I was allowing myself to feel pain. And be okay with it. Just give me the night.
And then amidst all of the pain I was feeling, I got a text from Mr. July. He was telling me how much I sucked for not getting back to him, and that I needed to just tell him that I wasn't interested if that was the case. He then continued to tell me how he'd been dating tons of other women and to not think that I was hot stuff because he had plenty of other women to choose from. WTF. First off, I don't even know this guy and don't owe him anything. Second, if he hasn't gotten the hint that I'm not interested by now, that's his own problem. And third, I hate that I have hurt someone's feeling's regardless whether it was justified or not, and I want to make things right, but tonight is not the night to mess with me. I let him have it. I told him he was being a dick, and that I didn't need to hear it from him. And that I could care less how many other women he was dating, and by him telling me all of that made him sound like a tool and that no, I am not interested.
He was actually very pleased to get this response from me. He said he was glad to have gotten some kind of reaction from me to show that I cared at all. Then he called me. Texting sucks, because you can't really hear tone anyway. So we chatted for the next hour, and I cried on the phone to him. To an almost complete stranger. And I told him why I hadn't gotten back to him. I told him about Mr. Wrong. And I told him I was sad. I was sorry if I hurt his feelings, because I didn't mean to, but in fact my feelings were hurt too.
He was a very good sport and had me let it all out, and tried to say the right words, which most men can't. But it was sweet none the less. I felt like I wanted to show my gratitude towards him. We are neighbors and he wants to make friends and network. We agreed that we are just going to be friends, but that we should still make an effort to hang out. This was made very clear. So the other night I was at work. I was starving and had been outside in the rain all night. I remember he said he loved to cook for other people, so I made an effort and reached out. I asked him straight up if he wanted to cook me dinner. I'll bring the wine. He was down.
We had leftover home made spaghetti and meatballs. I brought Wine. I kept him company in the kitchen while he cooked. He burnt the bottom of the pan, and teased that a pretty girl in his kitchen made him nervous. I was in sweats, and had refused to shower before coming over. It was hot and I was totally pitting out, and probably sweating from my forehead. My hair was frizzy from the rain, and probably mascara running from my eyes. I didn't really care. Not trying to impress anybody.
We listened to music. Had good chats. Drank some wine. Flirted a little bit, but I flirt with everybody, so I didn't think it was weird. My plate of food was much bigger than his, and then I realized I had practically licked my plate, and he couldn't finish his. Dang. We both laughed about this. It was getting close to midnight, and I was proud that I had made a new friend. And then it was time to go.
"Thank you so much Mr. July for having me over for dinner tonight. I really appreciated it. It's getting pretty late though, so I'm going to take off."
The look on his face was that of a child who had just been told no to the last piece of candy. I was a little confused with the look but I guess we were having a good time, and I can see why he still wanted me to hang out, but it will be alright dude. And then he went for the kill. Totally grabbed my face and started kissing me. Crap! Does this guy not remember the conversation we had a couple nights ago? I don't think this is an act of friends buuud! Do I really have to have this conversation again? And he's still kissing me...
The kissing continues because he's being so aggressive and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm trying to give the shortest kisses possible and smoothly transition out of this, but he has another thing planned. He starts pulling me towards the couch. I can feel him trying to get me to lay down so he can have his way with me, and I fight his strength to stay upright, but he's a former body builder, so it's not the easiest task. What have I gotten myself into? Finally I break free of this nonsense and try to crack a joke.
"Well I've got to admire your tenacity." I say, in a moment of awkwardness. At this point, I'm not even sure if tenacity was the right word to use, or what it even means, so I start fake laughing to hide the fact I have no idea what I just said.
He give me the look of seduction. But not the look you want to see. More the look of the guy in the creeper van that asks if you want any candy. Eek. And he says in a sultry voice, " I should have started this 2 hours ago. You're an amazing Kisser." Eek. Get me outa here! But I was tempted to stay and show him how good I could really kiss, since he thought my pulling away was good. Not worth it D. Get out of there.
At this point in time I realize this guy is stopping for nothing, so I grab what I could and I get out the door as quick as possible. Did that really just happen? He begins to tell me how it's crazy how strong our connection is and that we definitely need to see each other before 3 months passes. I realize then that I left my cheese and meat there that I also brought, but I cut my losses and ditch. It's not worth it to go back in there. I also realize then, this guy is crazy to think that our connection is that strong. It's definitely going to be a heck of a lot more than 3 months before I see him again, if I ever do! I guess this means the Brooklyn Park Pub will no longer be getting my business.
And so much for choosing my own dates! Sometimes dates just happen. And I am proud to say I have not spoken with Mr. Wrong in months. Romantically, he's definitely not on my radar. And as far as Mr. July goes... I apologized to him for the night before and told him I wasn't interested still. I think he finally got it. Date #8 here we come!
No comments:
Post a Comment